What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 06:34
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was very sick at this time too.
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Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
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Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
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Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So whats the point in blame.
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Im still living with it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
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They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
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As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
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This is how, and why children get BPD.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was scared of men, in general
I’m running away I live in Indiana what states near by are safe I’m 12 no comments?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
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I waited trembling.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But, we were locked up after school.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
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She wouldn,t have been !
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She found it foreign!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
When she asked me how she looked .
I was seconnd youngest,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So, i spoilt her more .
I could never make a relationship work though!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As i do to all so called friends.?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I will be 64.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Ive learnt so much.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But it wasn’t much.
She loved him until the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She was in good health!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was 9 years of age.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I have no regrets .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He resisted the act ,that day.
One cannot live in the past .
My family never makes their pension either.
Who then, do I blame.?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Put me off passion for life!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I never cut or harmed myself..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I said to her
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
All the time i was locked up.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What did i know ?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We were not on the streets..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I think the readers, may guess!
Would this be the day?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Comes on , in middle age.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I write beautiful poetry .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He knew the spot.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We all went to grammer schools
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She married twice! .
Especially a lifetime of it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And i lived it daily.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It was going to be , some day.
My life is so biszare .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I couldn’t, believe it.
I don,t even have a pension.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.